Guilt and Honey by Holly Chase

Author:Holly Chase [Chase, Holly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: London Place Publishing
Published: 2020-09-25T22:00:00+00:00

Seventeen

In Utero is Nirvana’s third and final studio album. They didn’t make another because Kurt died. I’ve said that already, but it’s important. Just like that, someone you love and care about, gone. It’s a void. A hole in your heart that won’t ever heal. You can try to patch it up with new friends or a new band in Nirvana’s case. But it’ll never be fully healed. You’ll never feel the same again. I understand now. Death. It’s so final. Kurt’s not coming back. Frank’s not coming back. Alexa’s not coming back. Okay she’s not dead, but she might as well be. That’s it. Accept and move on as best as you can. That’s what I’ve read.

I’ve done a bit of Googling and there’s lots of advice out there but it still doesn’t make you feel any better. Feelings are what they are. They don’t just change because you follow some advice. Only in time would I find it easier to live with my feelings, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever truly get over it.

The worst part was the no contact. It was knowing that Alexa was filling the empty void talking to someone else. I was sure she was probably sending pictures to some other girl. Sexy pictures of her in her lingerie. Sending winky faces and selfies and telling someone else how hot they were.

I really liked In Utero. It was a solid album. “Heart-Shaped Box” is a stand-out song of course. The video is really weird. Sorta trippy. I should probably have watched it when I dropped acid. There’s this weird Jesus character wearing a Santa hat and he’s on the cross being crucified while some crows pick at him. Then there’s this really fat woman with all her insides showing and there’s a load of poppies everywhere and this little girl who keeps staring at the camera. It’s really strange but awesome too. I think Kurt’s opiate use is reflected in this album. I mean, he was really troubled at this point, dealing with his success, his depression and the drugs obviously affected him. I don’t want to say too much about Kurt because I didn’t know him. I won’t pretend to know what he was going through either.

I read somewhere that Kurt once said he didn’t like how Nevermind sounded over-produced. In Utero definitely doesn’t have that polished sound to it that Nevermind has and I think that’s what Kurt meant. It kind of sounds like they recorded the band playing in their garage or something. It has a little echo to the whole thing. It’s beautiful. Nevermind is beautiful too just in a different way. I think In Utero combines the best of the other two albums. The quality of the songs in terms of lyrics including memorable choruses, and the melodies that Nevermind has, and the raw, powerful, guitar-heavy sound that Bleach has. I think it’s their best album. It was probably my favourite album actually.

I was trying to listen to a

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